The South African rap-rave group who call themselves Die Antwoord (the answer) have been identified as the cause Ebola. This shocking discovery was announced yesterday by the World Health Organisation at their annual conference in Amsterdam amongst disarray from those in attendance who suddenly realised the terrible music that sounds like it is being sung while consuming helium and stupidity may actually be more deadly than was first assumed. This was quickly confirmed by the only two people in attendance who had actually heard of Die Antwoord before, however that music was the cause of the virus came as a complete shock to most.
The revelation initially provided more questions than answers, as people were quick to point out that Ebola had started in West Africa, thousands of kilometers away from Cape Town South Africa that gave birth to the high pitch indulging group in 2008. It was later discovered that a Sierra Leone resident stole the peak cap of Die Antwoord frontman, Ninja and took it back to his home country where upon wearing the item and playing their hit tune “Fatty Boom Boom” a reaction occured that gave birth to the deadly fever that is now killing 1000’s of people.
Experts have no idea how and why this occurred but have pointed out that if you combine crap with crap it is most likely to cause more crap, and therefore music by Die Antwoord should be avoided at all costs. Recommendations have also been made to avoid all contact with the group’s iconic Yolandi Visser as she appears to be equally contagious, reports suggesting that she may be able to infect others over email or simply by looking at someone.
In a press statement issued by means of smoke signals and morse code from behind their Boksburg mansion, the group relayed that they never had any idea that helium and retardation could have such devastating effects on the world’s population and promised that their next album would be recorded using laughing gas and gospel music instead.
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